I didn't actually know if I would ever make it to Italy. This is the first completely independent experience of mine. In the past my mom would organise travelling; flights, hotels, trips, etc and then when I was with my ex boyfriend he would plan the majority of everything and I didn't realise how scary it all is... or seems anyway. I am only just over 5 foot and having to be a little person in a huge airport is very daunting to me.
Before I decided to be an au pair I had applied on the Bunac course for teaching dance in a summer camp in America. However the process was extremely long and treacherous, you rarely heard anything, you were simply told after your interview that it was a waiting game. I am glad I didn't choose to sit and wait and see because my interview was in September and I didn't get the call to say I hadn't got it until mid- April. During this time I looked at different things I could do which involved travelling and earning money at the same time. I came across being an au pair because I know a couple of girls that have done it themselves and I thought it sounded really interesting and considering you move in with the family I thought it would be a huge help to learn the culture and the language which is really important when you travel.
After finding the website and creating my own profile and explaining why I wanted to be an au pair I found that I received many, many messages from families in France, Spain and Italy. Many offered me a poor amount of money. Being an au pair doesn't mean you are paid a serious amount of cash but for me, it was best to have stability. I skyped three families and it was only the last one that I truly connected with, we had already exchanged many emails and photographs and then we exchanged numbers and spoke on whatsapp. I was able to ask as many questions as I wished. For example, healthy eating and exercise are really important to me so with each family I spoke to I asked what they ate and if there was anywhere for me to exercise. Obviously for some people these things aren't important but when you're living somewhere for three months, you want to do the things that benefit you during your experience. When skyping the family I knew we had connected as I watched the husband Michele pretend the baby was an aeroplane and fly him in the background past the mother's head while she was trying to be serious. Then towards the end of the Skype call she asked if he had any more questions and he wandered off and she looked very confused....he returned with the biggest jar of nutella I have ever seen and grinning he says "Do you like Nutella?!"..."Of course!" I answered... "We will take you!"
After the skype call I booked my flights which was the first time I had done something like this myself and I had to keep my mom on the phone the whole time.. in the fear that I would book flights to Japan with just my hand luggage.
Once everything was booked it didn't seem real. I never actually felt like any of it was real until I had checked in and had to say goodbye to my mom, Elliott and Anthy just before I went to security. I gave Anth one last hug and couldn't kiss him for the sobs that were trying to escape. I couldn't even see where my boarding pass was for all the tears.
Just over a month before I left for Italy I found a lump on my breast. I had always heard the warnings by nurses when I had my pill check to always check for lumps and in my first year at University my flatmate found a lump on her breast and she was immediately referred to the hospital by the doctor...although she was fine it was a very unnerving experience for me. Whenever something bothers me I always, always go to someone I love and ask them about it in the hope they will tell me not to worry so that I can remain calm... In this case I went to Anthy and asked him to feel. For any man I'm sure their girlfriend asking them to touch their boobs means they're in for a treat but as I watched Anth feel the lump too I panicked. His face was full of confusion as he acknowledged that it was there. "You need to book yourself an appointment straightaway."
I walked into the doctors office and I told him about the lump and how painful my breasts were and that it was now affecting my running. The doctor asked many questions such as family history etc and I found him awfully patronising. He asked me to come back later in the day because at the time there was no nurse available to be in the room whilst he performed the examination. I left his office absolutely terrified.... and super angry because I couldn't go home, have a brew and chill out knowing everything was ok.
Upon my return I saw a different doctor with a nurse present, he examined both my breasts... which was incredibly uncomfortable having an older male rub his hands together "Sorry they're a little cold"....no really mate you take your time.....
He checked everything and then asked that I came back in three weeks time to ensure that everything was fine.
During those three weeks I watched 'The C word' and completely sobbed my heart out...incredibly inspired by her story but also terrified of what the outcome could be for myself. Although I tried to pretend I didn't worry about the situation it was always at the back of my mind, ready to creep out whenever I tried to sleep.
When I went back to the doctors he asked me to put my arms in all different positions and asked if I was aware that there was more than one lump... of course I hadn't and inside I was screaming.... I hate being in confined spaces when I am panicking about something. When I got changed and sat down he folded his arms and gave me a serious look.. "I am going to refer you to the breast clinic at the hospital, they deal with more serious issues such as cancer etc.." now I personally believe that is the WORST possible thing a doctor could say to a person. I could have collapsed there and then. I was terrified. After that I turned into a robot and everything I said or did remained robotic until I went home. I couldn't really process the thought of something as major as that. I was more upset than anything about the possible prospect of not being able to come to Italy.
A week later I arrived at Stafford hospital with my mom and Anthy in tow. My mom continuously reassuring me that I was going to be okay..."Yes mom I know..." but as I am still a child at the age of twenty she sat in the waiting room filling out the form for me, proving that she knows me better than I know myself..
When the nurse called me to take me in to the doctor I insisted my mom and Anthy stay in the waiting room, if anything was to happen I wanted to process it myself rather than having to see it upset someone I love. I thought I was doing the right thing until the nurse said "Are you sure you don't want anyone to come in with you? Because if..." now somebody please explain why these doctors choose to say or in this case NOT say the worst possible things in the most terrifying of situations... if what nurse????
I wanted to run a mile.
Again I had to change from the waist upwards and put on a gown and then the doctor came in and asked me all different questions... most of which I would say "Well my doctor said..." and he would bluntly reply "I'm not asking what the doctor said, I'm asking what you think and feel".. I felt as though I was in a police cell with the spotlight burning my eyes, it was incredibly hard to hold back the tears. I try not to let my emotions get the better of me but I am a very sensitive person and because I was so worried the way he was talking to me really affected me.
He examined my breasts and told me that there was nothing to worry about and that my breasts were lumpy because of the hormones in my mini pill and this is also what was causing the pain... I don't think I have ever felt so relieved in my twenty years. On the leaflet I had received it had said to expect around 4 hours for the appointment for scans etc. I was in and out in ten minutes. I walked out to my mom and Anthy and said that everything was fine... my mom was so relieved she burst into tears. I don't know who is more dramatic, my mom or myself? I couldn't push more the fact that women should always examine themselves and even if you are unsure you must get it checked out by a doctor immediately.
After saying goodbye to my mom and Anthy I went through security and had to have my bag checked after it had gone through the machine...I thought someone is seriously trying to prevent me from leaving this country!
I picked up a goats cheese panini and an iced coffee and sat tapping my foot in the waiting lounge, constantly checking the board for when my gate would open. I had never done something like this alone so I thought it was bound to go wrong. Finally, after a short wait, my gate opened and I boarded the RyanAir flight to Milano, Bergamo... I was of course seated between a couple... the wife on one side and the man on the other of me. I tried to ask if they wanted to sit together to which they replied "Non Capisco"- I don't understand... although I spent the whole flight being glared at for needing to get past to go to the toilet or for looking out the window when they were trying to talk to each other, I was extremely happy I had understood my first italian conversation... even though I had originally thought they were English.
I got off the plane and was horrified to find that they had no luggage trolleys so I had to walk through arrivals wearing my satchel, holding a 10kg hold-all and lugging two cases behind me- one 20kg, the other 15kg. Erica and Michele- the couple I am staying with greeted me with smiles and kisses and we proceeded to their car. We then drove to Michele's parents house... I say house I mean mansion... and we collected their son Riccardo. After a short stay and a lot of listening to italian conversation and assuming they were talking about me we came back to their beautiful apartment in Brescia. In the evening we had dinner- rice salad- cold rice in a huge bowl with sliced sausage, tuna, tomatoes, black olives (my favourite!) and artichokes all mixed together, we then ate fruit and I had my first espresso! In the evening we went on a walk to the local gelato shop and I had the most amazing ice-cream of my life!
The next day we went back to Michele's parents' mansion and had lunch with them that involved mixed pasta salad like the previous night, what I can only describe as raw hamburger meat (gross!), a type of sauce alike to pesto but made with parsley, sweet peppers stuffed with tuna and ham with salad wrapped in mozzarella. All the food was amazing but what amazed me the most was the fact that they had two servants prepare the meal, clear our plates, bring out espressos on saucers with individual pots of sugar....and Michele's mother had a bell on the table! If we asked for anything she would ping it to call them. I mean I am just a Manchester girl from a working class family, I felt like I was on an episode of 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians' I was waiting for the cameras to come out and laugh at my awe.
We then went in their swimming pool, this was down some steps alongside an 'out-house'... this out house contained a dining room, two changing rooms, a bathroom and a kitchen accompanied with more plates, glasses etc than the ones in my parents house and mine combined. This was just an out house!!!!!!! I was like hello?? can anyone see this???
In the evening we came home and had a BBQ in the back garden and they made me aperol spritz- my favourite Italian drink! The best length I have seen a man go to for football... we were accompanied by a TV so that Michele could watch the champions league outside.
Today I woke up and we went back to Michele's parents home, only this time they weren't there and we were instead joined by an italian couple- their friends. I was a bit more comfortable in the house than the previous day so it wasn't as overwhelming, especially when the servants weren't present. For lunch we had chicken and salad and then I realised the heat was too much and it had made me dizzy. I passed out in the shade for a while and then went into the swimming pool which was incredibly refreshing. Later on, we returned to the apartment where Erica and Michele live and I did my first workout here using a video from the 'FitnessBlender' channel on youtube....considering the humidity I'm surprised I didn't collapse. Then for dinner we had toasted bread, sundried tomato philadelphia, black olives, tomato and cucumber and then for dessert I had a fat free coffee yoghurt....yes.....coffee....yoghurt....together. Oh my god. Amazing.
The life here is very different and it is hard listening to the Italian conversation, although I have slightly picked up on the language I am still finding it hard to say something without reassurance that I am answering correctly.
One thing is for sure I will never get used to the fact that Michele's parents have servants and Erica and Michele have a cleaner so when I asked where to wash my clothes they informed me that the cleaner will wash and iron my things for me....WHAT IS THIS!!!
I also miss my boyfriend an insane amount. This will hopefully continue to be an amazing experience, I just wish my boyfriend was here to experience it with me.
Buonanotte. Xo
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