Life is just too short to be sad.
I have spent the last few weeks feeling sick with worry and stress. Over-eating, under-eating, tossing and turning at night, crying, you name it, I have felt a massive void in my life.
I was sick to death of looking at my miserable arse face every morning in the mirror.
I started this blog because I wanted a space where I could post whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to no particular audience, I love being positive but I just want to be honest, open and real. I have been miserable as sin. Is that the right phrase?
I went on my own little journey to self-discovery, i know right how cute?
I started thinking about what it was that was making me feel so bloody empty.
My life was just one big ball of booringgg routine. I like a bit of routine here and there but I like to mix things up a bit.
But seriously. Going to the gym, going to work, going home to my cat. SAME. OLD. SHIT. Everyyyy singleeee dayyyy.
I was bored. Where was all the stuff I was passionate about? The stuff that makes my heart sing? The stuff that makes me do my happy dances? I am known to be doing said happy dances and I stopped and you know what I was doing instead? Crying. Yes I was being one big fat crybaby. And when i wasn't crying I was emotional eating like a BITCH.
This isn't a "woe is me. I hate my job." post. I don't hate my job, it's not my dream career by any means but i LOVE the people I work with and I love how my job gets me to meeting so many new people and hearing their stories. But your job shouldn't become your life. I have stopped being able to switch off. Sometimes during school holidays you end up working 60 hour weeks or sometimes you end up working 9 days in a row and these things are normality for working in a restaurant but they quite frankly...suck ass. That's not a life and on top of this I was constantly stressing about work outside of work. Stressing about whether I had done everything on my close the previous night, stressing that the rota might be wrong and I was actually meant to be in work, stressing about a payment I took three days ago that might have gone wrong. A complaint. Some were scenarios that hadn't even happened and I would sit worrying and overthinking about it all. That is no way to live! I was getting insane.
I haven't taken an acting class since I graduated last July. I love acting. I haven't danced since I was in University which was before I graduated last July. I love dancing. I barely write anymore. I love writing. I haven't travelled since last July. I love travelling.
All those things that make me passionate about life I had stopped doing. I am passionate about fitness and working out but even that started to feel like a chore because it was a huge part of this big boring routine. I need change. I need to take acting classes and dance classes and write about things and not be concerned with what people have to say about any of it. I need to book trips and travel and explore and not wait months on end to dare to ask for time off. I wasn't told I couldn't take time off I was just terrified to ask for it. I had just started to accept my life. I had started to settle. Good god, the word itself makes me shudder. I'm not the type of person to just settle. I always want to reach more, learn more but I had just totally lost my get up and go. Yes, I had took a promotion and I was working my ass off for it and that's something to be proud of but that's the only thing I was doing with my time and it was driving me to hate a job that I didn't need to hate. It was making me think I was incapable of that job because that's all I was doing.
Overthinking can ruin your life.
I can't emphasise enough how important it is to never stop doing the things you love. What are your passions? What are your hobbies? Do you enjoy cooking? Cook. Do you love photography? Take a photography course. Do you love reading? Set yourself reading time, even just ten minutes of every day. Is the gym feeling like a chore? Take a random hot yoga class at a different gym or go climb a mountain or go cycle through the countryside. Do something different. Switch things up. Make yourself a priority. Life shouldn't feel like one endless chore. Life is for LIVING.
SO LIVE.
