The post-Uni black hole.

I love being around positive people, I really do, some days you need the happiness and sunshine they bring your way when they are full of smiles and oozing good vibes. But this is for all those people out there that aren't feeling positive right now. It seems to me that there is some kind of stigma against people that are negative, if people don't try to help themselves then yes I agree, its hard to be around that kind of negativity but what about those that do help themselves? Do they deserve to be eyerolled at and told to Cheer up? Nope, most certainly not. I would know because I am currently in that negative black hole.

Just hear me out, okay? I can be a negative nellie and a lot of the time i'm just being dramatic and why? Because I am an actor darling thats why. But at the moment i'm really not being dramatic, i have just graduated from Uni and let me tell you people Post-uni depression is a real thing! I am terrified that I won't fulfill all my goals and dreams and I have a lot, believe me. I am already sick and tired of scrolling through jobs that i could be good at but won't get the chance because i lack experience in that area. Every freaking job you need experience but how the hell do you gain experience if you can't get it in the first place?

I have just moved into my own flat and I feel overwhelmed by the stress of it all, of sorting bills and checking every switch is off before I go out so not to use up electric and every other niggly detail that they forgot to tell you when you're five and dreaming about living in a princess castle.

Life sucks sometimes, ok? It really does and people shouldn't be shunned for finding their way into these dark times.

I feel shitty about myself, i feel fat and gross and unattractive. I am all for self-love and body positivity and I will listen to people preach it until the cows come home but at the moment, i am struggling with that myself. I'm self conscious and I hardly helped myself yesterday because I ate 3 doughnuts in 1 day (its comfort food right?) But i needed those doughnuts and don't you dare tell me otherwise. 

Everything feels really loud at the moment. I don't feel comfortable, i like learning and growing and reaching my goals but i have just left Uni and everyone is moving away and moving on and people are off travelling and some are lucky enough to have already found amazing jobs. But me? I'm a waitress trying to comfort myself by waving my first class degree in my face because I am stuck on this post-uni stepping stone and I haven't yet found my feet.

Also can we not do the "so what are you doing now?" thing to those that have just finished Uni, its terrifying and we don't want to hear it. Graduation was such a high but i've now come down to an all time low-i have a serious case of itchy-feet syndrome- i want to travel, i want to write books, i want to become an actor, i want to make positive change on this earth but right now I am wrapped up in a blanket in bed wanting this bad mood i've been trapped in for weeks to subside.

This really isn't a "woe is me" post but more a post to give people a break when they are feeling shitty, try to be a little more understanding, give them a cuddle, make them a brew, ask them to go out for a walk or a workout or to binge-watch a Tv series with you. We should be picking people up not tearing them down and if you know someone who is feeling sad or low about themselves or life and you feel like you're exhausted or that its affecting your mood, just know that you don't actually need to say anything. Nothing at all. Just be there for them. Give encouragement. Or cuddles. Or coffee. You can't pull someone out of a black hole but you can let them know that they aren't alone and to my friends and family that have seen me in this state then god bless your souls for sticking around.

This is for all of my fellow graduates who are currently terrified of the future, we got this.

Or even for those of you that are also stuck in this rut. Just keep swimming, because tomorrow is a fresh start and you can only keep trying, life isn't meant to always be easy.