"Self-love is the biggest middle finger of all time."
I wasn't always confident in the gym, I wouldn't even say I'm currently at 75% confident in my abilities at the gym nor am I confident in my body. I have always been very, very self-conscious which seems incredibly strange for someone who loves performing and has more than enough confidence to get into conversations with people I've just met.
The issue probably stems from all different kinds of things but mainly the relationship I have had with my body for years. I treated my body terribly whilst I was younger, I used to go through phases of binge eating and forcing myself to be sick and it was incredibly unhealthy, I was always the smallest at school which meant being surrounded by taller, leaner girls, My body was different to theirs and I couldn't accept it no matter how hard I tried. I felt like my curvier frame meant that I was ugly and grotesque. The media doesn't help either, whilst I was younger the media was very driven to glorifying one body type-the type of body I didn't have and never would be able to achieve because it just isn't the way my body is built.
I think over the years the media has begun to see curvier body types as beautiful as someone with a smaller frame but I still think the obsession with bodies that is instilled on us all is just unhealthy. Magazines raging about diets and which celebrity has dared to gain 10 pounds following their pregnancy and which celebrity is deemed the sexiest because they cut carbs. The media feeds us things like this daily and it is so so wrong that so many people have such awful issues with their body. Nobody is taught to love their body. We are taught to hate our bodies and the diet industry absolutely thrives off it.
When I first began going to the gym it was partly because I had gained a lot of weight because I ate unhealthy foods and I never did exercise but it was also partly to impress my first boyfriend who was kinda obsessed with himself (my naive 16 year old self was completely besotted with him and didn't see this). He was older than I was and I was new to relationships and I completely admired his obsession with going to the gym and working out so many times a week, now when I look back I realise he loved himself in all the wrong ways and throughout our three year relationship this had a totally negative impact on me. I'm never going to say I regret that relationship because everything is an experience that we learn from but now I know I will never allow a man to make decisions on what I get to do and don't eat again nor will I allow someone to make me feel as though I'm unworthy because my body doesn't fit their standards. I have learnt to embrace my body now and I actually have the gym to thank for that.
Once I escaped that relationship I started to go the gym on my own terms, I loved exercise and I loved how I felt from it. I felt stronger, I didn't feel like I was about to have a heart attack if I ran for more than 10 minutes and I CRAVED healthier foods, yes CRAVED. I wanted to feed my body in the right way so that I would be able to push harder during work-outs which I would have never been able to do back when I used to go between days of living off one bottle of lucozade to days when all I would stuff my face with is junk.
Not only did the gym make me physically stronger but it also helped me an immense amount mentally, I can have bad mood swings but I have found that whenever I train I feel much happier, this is scientific because of the endorphins we release when we exercise and exercise has become a major stress release for me.
One of the things I hear often is that people are afraid of the way people will look at them in the gym, now I have been going the gym for quite a few years now and I'm still terrified of the way others might be looking at me but as I have spoken to more PTs and more members at the gym I have found that actually everyone is in the same boat. I know PTs that are obviously fully qualified and yet there are still things they are learning, I still see some of them seeking help and being shown correct techniques and so on. Just like every aspect in our lives we are all always learning so there is no point in worrying about what someone thinks, if someone thinks you're doing something wrong they will usually help you, if they are going to stand there and laugh at you about it instead then the issue is with them not you.
If you struggle in the gym or you need motivation here are some things that helped me.
- Find a partner
I was going the gym way before I met Jess but she is who I have to thank for being so confident strength training. I am still not 100% confident weight training on my own but she really has helped me. We motivate each other, we have the best, sassy workout playlists, we are always switching our workouts up and we have good competition between us both. Gym sessions our way more fun when you're training with a friend. If you don't have a partner, try going to classes. I literally met Jess at the classes at the gym and planned one training session with her and now we train together all the freaking time.
- Go to classes
I personally hate training alone, sometimes I love putting my headphones in and doing a run but generally I hate training anything else alone. I love going to hardcore classes like Bootcamps and circuit training and boxing because they are all the kind of classes that push me to my limit and let me see my capabilities.
-Get a personal trainer
I have had the same PT now for almost three years and he is my friend now too. He's helped me learn A LOT in the gym and luckily he began training me towards the end of my toxic relationship so he is actually to thank for boosting the confidence I have about my body and about my capabilities in my training. Obviously not everyone wants a personal trainer but I would advise anyone that is unsure of what they are doing in the gym to at least have a consultation with one.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help
If you don't know how to use a machine or set up a machine then ask someone working in the gym, that is their job and they are usually more than happy to help you. Follow fitness accounts on instagram, google workouts, don't be afraid to try other people's workouts and seek advice for what to do- it is how everyone learns. You will be able to figure out what does and doesn't work for you and get some really helpful tips.
-Switch up your workouts
You are never going to motivate yourself if you hate the work-outs you are doing. If you don't like running, don't run. If you don't like going alone, go to classes or find someone that will train with you. Find something that you personally love doing and don't be afraid of trying new things. Boxing is an incredible stress release for me and it is one of my favourite work-outs. If you don't want to sign up to a gym there are always hundreds of places that run random open classes that you are more than welcome to attend.
More than anything- love yourself!!!!!!!!!
Your body is your home, give it the love it needs. Embrace the body you were given and know that comparison is the thief of joy. You are never going to look exactly like anyone else, the beauty is in our differences and just because your body doesn't look like this person or that person, doesn't mean that it isn't just as worthy.
Hope you enjoyed reading. H x
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