Don't get me wrong I thoroughly enjoyed spending my time with Riccardo, I was obsessed with him but this wasn't my child- although at times it definitely felt like it! No matter how much you love a child if it isn't your own and if you spend every day from about 7.30-8am until 10.30pm at night looking after it and you aren't free to do as you wish with the child then it definitely starts to become a strain on yourself..
Sometimes I felt incredibly frustrated with the family and I wanted my blog to be as honest as possible so I felt that in order to reveal my true honesty I didn't want to do it during my time with them as it could potentially make the situation awkward and I wasn't prepared for that considering how alone I already felt. I decided I would leave all my blogging until I returned and then I would continue doing it part by part. I want anyone that is considering being an au pair to be able to read this and see all the positives and negatives because towards the end- for me- the negatives outweighed the positives.
An au pair is supposed to be much different from a nanny. It is a cultural experience in which a 'host family' takes on an au pair to live in their home and within their family. The au pair is purely there to help and as there is no contract there is an agreement between the host family and the au pair on the au pair's 'working' hours. The au pair experience is to learn the culture and the language aswell as assisting the family in any duties with the children. The au pair is usuallly treated as a part of the family and goes on trips with them, has meals with them etc.
During my first couple of weeks I was treated exactly like this, like part of their family. I was included in everything they did and they always ensured I was happy and enjoying myself, however as the novelty of having an English girl to stay wore off I felt like I was considered more and more as a servant. I don't believe that this was their intentions, they generally weren't a nasty family, they didn't seem to be big-headed about their wealthy life especially Erica who didn't come from a wealthy background. Even Michele- whom I thought had parents that were very obnoxious about their wealth- he wasn't like this at all. At times, yes, he made jokes about being rich and being able to afford all their wants and needs but I never saw a nasty side to him. He always treated me very fairly.
I felt as though Erica was my friend and maybe I was wrong to assume this as to most people I was just her employee. But in the case of an Au pair, the au pair is to live with you which isn't a usual employer/employee relationship. At first she treated me like her friend and then when we went to Sardinia things started to change. We stayed in our own villa; me, Erica and Riccardo and Michele came for two weekends but flew back during the week for work. At the same resort one of their friends had her own villa and at first there was Erica's friend Vea, her baby boy, Vea's friend Rosella and her baby girl and Vea's Nanny that was from Sri Lanka. This Nanny was treated very different to me and this is when I started to see the nasty side of wealth. The incredibly rude side of it. Treating other people as though they aren't human. This Nanny was to clean, cook and look after the child which I considered completely ridiculous. How the hell can you expect a person to multi-task in such a way? What really made me angry was how impatient the Italians revealed themselves to be. I would be called and within two seconds my name would be called again in an irritated manner as though I was inconsiderate for not sprinting like Usain Bolt to them immediately after they called me.
I believe that I began to be treated differently once Erica witnessed how Vea treated her nanny she decided she too would treat me differently. The funny thing was that in front of her friends who were all wealthy with their own nannies I would be treated like crap but on our own I would again be treated like family. I began to resent them for it and I think it was sensed. Erica said to me one day in Sardinia that if I wasn't comfortable here I could go home because we didn't have a contract or anything. At this point we had been in Sardinia for four days and I had had no time to myself when before- although I didn't have days off I was given an hour or two to have time to do my workouts and breathe. These four days in Sardinia were too much I was constantly asked to do something and in a usual job you get your breaks and you get to go home after a long shift and have your break from the place but here it stopped feeling like I was human, like I deserved to have a life, it just started to feel like I was living purely to serve someone else's needs and wants. I realise that when I have a child I will be living more for the child than myself but I will be doing as I wish with my own child, it's not the same as taking orders 24/7. I told Erica that I was exhausted and I appreciate spending time alone, I needed a break. I still never got days off but it did gain me a couple of hours in the day to have back for myself.
My original agreement for Italy was working 9-1 then 4-8 with weekends off. However this was never the case as I said earlier so the 1-2 hours I received as a break during the day was pretty crucial to me. After witnessing the Sri Lankan nanny pretty much do everything for Vea I began to think...at what point are they a parent to their own child? I mean if you are paying someone to do everything for you and your child and you are spending little to no quality time with your child then you aren't truly experiencing what it is like to be a mother. You are simply handing that responsibility over to another person, this person is bonding with your child more than you are and to me, that's just not normal. I come from a working class family who have never had the wealth to have nannies or cleaners or anything like that. The Italy experience genuinely gave me a new- found respect for my own family and friends' families who I have always seen cleaning, cooking and running round after their own children and doing it to the best standard they could. I always took that for granted but now I completely realise how exhausting it must be and they still create amazing bonds with their children whereas in Italy I never really saw families creating a good bond with their own children.
I also noticed that Vea was completely disrespectful to her Nanny, she didn't speak to her in a nice manner and she was always sighing at her. I mean where is the respect for the people that are living just to serve you?
I don't want to constantly slander people at all. This isn't my reason for blogging this way. I'm not a nasty person and I would never intentionally hurt someone but I think the way I was treated was copying others and it actually made me really sad at times. Especially when I was homesick. I mean if I was having someone to stay with me that was homesick I would never make them feel bad for it I would see what I could do to make them feel better- take them for a coffee and talk about it. Just a small thing to let them realise you are taking their feelings into consideration rather than simply dismissing them. At times I felt like they were only considering themselves when the experience is to benefit both the host family and the au pair. This is another reason why I left blogging until I left because I did really love them as a family and I didn't want my frustrations and any misunderstandings there may have been to allow me to write something completely negative.
Here are the positives....
-Our flight to Sardinia- myself, Erica, Michele and Riccardo...
It was Riccardo's first ever flight and he fell asleep and was an absolute delight.
The kick-ass workouts I got myself doing-
Again- brazillian grill night at the beach...the food was incredible. Probably one of the three times I ate chicken in two and a half months, emotional times.
But then he realised I was his one true love...
Having mozzarella with roasted veg for lunch almost every day...
Traditional Sardinian dessert- a pastry filled with cheese and honey!
When we got back to Brescia and my mom had sent this by air mail!!! The best!
To be honest I think it would be unfair of me to say it was a completely negative experience because it wasn't. We had some really good times but as I said before I do believe that in the presence of other people I was often treated alike to the other nannies that their friends had which was sometimes quite disrespectful. For all I know it could have just been the language barrier and me being sensitive but I'm pretty sure when you're being asked to do something for someone 14 hours a day it begins to take its toll and become less of a good experience and more of a chore. I don't regret going to Italy and I never will and I would happily return and stay with that family but not to be an au pair. It could just be their culture and their wealth, who knows. But I do know I was ready to come home and to take some time to myself without worrying about sitting down for two minutes.
There is still more to tell but I think I have currently wrote enough...Until next time....
Happy reading. Xo
