The post-Uni black hole.

I love being around positive people, I really do, some days you need the happiness and sunshine they bring your way when they are full of smiles and oozing good vibes. But this is for all those people out there that aren't feeling positive right now. It seems to me that there is some kind of stigma against people that are negative, if people don't try to help themselves then yes I agree, its hard to be around that kind of negativity but what about those that do help themselves? Do they deserve to be eyerolled at and told to Cheer up? Nope, most certainly not. I would know because I am currently in that negative black hole.

Just hear me out, okay? I can be a negative nellie and a lot of the time i'm just being dramatic and why? Because I am an actor darling thats why. But at the moment i'm really not being dramatic, i have just graduated from Uni and let me tell you people Post-uni depression is a real thing! I am terrified that I won't fulfill all my goals and dreams and I have a lot, believe me. I am already sick and tired of scrolling through jobs that i could be good at but won't get the chance because i lack experience in that area. Every freaking job you need experience but how the hell do you gain experience if you can't get it in the first place?

I have just moved into my own flat and I feel overwhelmed by the stress of it all, of sorting bills and checking every switch is off before I go out so not to use up electric and every other niggly detail that they forgot to tell you when you're five and dreaming about living in a princess castle.

Life sucks sometimes, ok? It really does and people shouldn't be shunned for finding their way into these dark times.

I feel shitty about myself, i feel fat and gross and unattractive. I am all for self-love and body positivity and I will listen to people preach it until the cows come home but at the moment, i am struggling with that myself. I'm self conscious and I hardly helped myself yesterday because I ate 3 doughnuts in 1 day (its comfort food right?) But i needed those doughnuts and don't you dare tell me otherwise. 

Everything feels really loud at the moment. I don't feel comfortable, i like learning and growing and reaching my goals but i have just left Uni and everyone is moving away and moving on and people are off travelling and some are lucky enough to have already found amazing jobs. But me? I'm a waitress trying to comfort myself by waving my first class degree in my face because I am stuck on this post-uni stepping stone and I haven't yet found my feet.

Also can we not do the "so what are you doing now?" thing to those that have just finished Uni, its terrifying and we don't want to hear it. Graduation was such a high but i've now come down to an all time low-i have a serious case of itchy-feet syndrome- i want to travel, i want to write books, i want to become an actor, i want to make positive change on this earth but right now I am wrapped up in a blanket in bed wanting this bad mood i've been trapped in for weeks to subside.

This really isn't a "woe is me" post but more a post to give people a break when they are feeling shitty, try to be a little more understanding, give them a cuddle, make them a brew, ask them to go out for a walk or a workout or to binge-watch a Tv series with you. We should be picking people up not tearing them down and if you know someone who is feeling sad or low about themselves or life and you feel like you're exhausted or that its affecting your mood, just know that you don't actually need to say anything. Nothing at all. Just be there for them. Give encouragement. Or cuddles. Or coffee. You can't pull someone out of a black hole but you can let them know that they aren't alone and to my friends and family that have seen me in this state then god bless your souls for sticking around.

This is for all of my fellow graduates who are currently terrified of the future, we got this.

Or even for those of you that are also stuck in this rut. Just keep swimming, because tomorrow is a fresh start and you can only keep trying, life isn't meant to always be easy.

Turkey.

Every single time I write a blog, I manage to convince myself that I will find the time to blog every single day for all of eternity. Come on Hannah, behave. I barely even have time to iron my work uniform anymore, yes I know, I'm a gross human being. Cut me some slack, I have just finished University- I graduate this Thursday with a First class BA Honours in Drama, Performance and Theatre Arts- I say this with pride of course but I also say this hoping to convince you that I have some form of idea of where my life is heading following this. I don't. Bare with me sunshine. But still...FIRST CLASS BITCHES!
I have also just recently moved into my own flat. It's all very exciting until you have about 5 breakdowns a day because nothing is going right. On the third day of me living in the flat I had to wait in 8 until 5 to find out the Sky man couldn't install sky alone because I live in an awkward building and then my sofa wouldn't fit through the flat door. The same sofa that was big and comfy and nappable and only £95 from the British Heart Foundation. It's so very true when they say moving house is one of the hardest things you can do.
Anyway my point is, I haven't slept properly in weeks, I have about 9000 things in my diary and I have been living out of bags- okay I'm still surrounded by bags that I have no desire to unpack, but I still have a billion and one things that need sorting and arranging in the run up to Graduation and to finish off my move etc.
Therefore, this blog which is about my trip to Turkey is actually a month late. I tried.
I went with Ant on the 3rd of June until the 10th after my mom surprised us by booking the trip as a pre-Graduation present!!! (BEST MOM EVER.)
I was pretty concerned about going to Turkey for obvious reasons but the holiday was incredible and we were totally safe the whole time.
We stayed in Alanya which was about a two and a half hour coach transfer from the airport, no lie. That was probably the only inconvenient thing about the trip but hey, it was free!!!

Prior to the flight I had a big glass of Pinot Grigio and bought a gloriously huge burrito so that when we landed- which was late in Turkish time, I had something to eat before heading to the hotels late bar for lots of cocktails. It's a must okay.

We stayed at the Diamond Hill Resort, it was a beautiful five star resort with a spa downstairs, a patisserie, an A La Carte Restaurant, a buffet restaurant and several bars including a rooftop bar with Shisha, they also had a big pool with slides, a poolside bar with a small buffet restaurant and their own private beach. We went there all inclusive and I was so impressed with the variety of fresh fish, meats and vegetables. None of their dishes were boring, nor was it repetitive, there was always a different take on cooking foods each day and I loved that.

 

  

I love trying all different foods and I have absolutely no problem in telling you that I took full advantage of the all inclusive and piled my plate up all day errydaaay with a mixture of goodies. My favourite night was the Turkish night...not like every night was Turkish night haha. They expanded all of the buffet sections which I didn't even realise could be possible but it was incredible. I had stuffed pepper with mince, cheese and vegetables, hummus, Pide- a turkish bread filled with cheeses and meats, crushed potatoes and vegetables, mushrooms, basically I ate a lot. And it was good. More than good.

And let's just get one thing straight. Anywhere that has chocolate covered oreos has a special kinda place in my heart.

Another thing I always obsess over on holidays are the views. I can't get enough of taking pictures of the beautiful scenery, when you can see mountains or clear blue sea in the distance and a city full of bright lights, it's simply breathtaking and it is so refreshing to see different parts of the world and their different cultures and surroundings.

Whenever I go on holiday, I can never be one of those people that just sit by the pool all day, I'm not judging anyone that does that because a holiday is for you to relax in your own way and I did spend a couple of days sunbathing and reading by the pool but I get so bored sitting on my ass, I love keeping busy. I have to go and explore. We went on a couple of excursions- we booked two through the rep looking after us and one from a small excursions shop just outside of the hotel. On one of the trips we went to a traditional Turkish bath- we were given so many recommendations to do this before our trip so I was really excited to go and it did not disappoint. We spent time in the sauna and steam room and then went into a huge bathing room, showered ourselves off and then lay in the warm temperature before being lathered with an insane amount of bubbles and having our bodies scrubbed and exfoliated within an inch of its life. We then had a full body massage and then sat in our towels in relaxing beds with clay facials. It left my skin feeling amazing and I felt so revitalised from it. 

This is how fresh faced I looked following the Turkish bath, its safe to say I am currently in need of another one. 

The other two excursions we chose were both boat trips on big amazing pirate ships. The first one was a full day trip including visiting huge, expensive jewellry factory/stores, where they show you how they produce each stone, we also went to a leather and fur clothing shop which included watching a fashion show. We were then taken to a beautiful Waterfall spot and following this we were taken to a boat and sailed around the harbour looking at the beautiful surroundings drinking bottles of Efes. We were also able to walk around the centre of Antalya and were able to see the Donerciller Bazaar Street which is a strip of shops and restaurants with what can only be described as a ceiling of colourful umbrellas running down it, it is absolutely beautiful. 

The second boat trip we booked was fairly last minute but we had money left over towards the end and wanted to put it to good use so we set sail on another pirate ship and sailed around lots of different caves, including a mud cave which we got to swim inside and exfoliate our bodies with the mud from them. There was lots of dancing and even a foam party onboard and at every stop by different caves we could jump off the sides of the boat and swim with all the fishies! 

If you're planning a trip or going on holiday in the coming weeks and you are yet to buy your holiday book, I highly recommend 'Year of Yes' by Shonda Rhimes, I became obsessed with this whilst drinking cocktails by the pool. It is such an uplifting read and definitely teaches you about self-love, surrounding yourself with positive energy and motivating yourself to be the best that you can. I am having post-book sadness after this (yes this is a real thing I have diagnosed myself with) as I absolutely LOVED it.

I hope you enjoyed reading about our trip. Han. x