I have recently moved from Manchester to Biddulph, let me tell you that is a BIG ass change to make, going from a super busy town to a quiet little place by the countryside makes a huge difference to a person. Don't get me wrong it has been so refreshing and great getting away from all the people that were beginning to drive me insane and making them realise that they had to stop taking me for granted but also it has been quite hard. I have moved in with my fiance that I have been with for 2 years next month and we have gone from seeing each other once a week if that to waking up to each other every morning and going to sleep next to each other every night, so now it's hard when he's simply gone to work, I get really bored without him and I feel like it's painful to be away from him for a few hours in a day when I am used to not seeing him for days or even weeks at a time..
I am finding it quite hard at the moment and I'm feeling a little down, there isn't as much to do here when you don't have friends or family to go and visit and I just have my fiance, his mum and his family, they're all amazing and his mum especially has been so welcoming but when I'm on my own I overthink too much and I'm my own worst enemy and I get way too fidgety when I spend a lot of time alone. I wouldn't want to move back home and I think this is something that will just take some time but it is hard. I also worry that I'm in the way for his mum, I don't want her to think I'm taking the piss at all and I'm embarassed when she's working her ass off 16 hours a day and she comes home for lunch and I'm in my pyjamas so I've been forcing myself out of bed and trying to get ready before she gets home and I have tried to clean everything from top to bottom and make sure her house is super clean because I'm so afraid that she is going to think I am taking all of this for granted.
I am going to be living off my tips for the next 2 weeks as I don't get paid until then and I wasn't working because of moving my stuff away and going to the Dominican Republic and I hate more than anything being without money especially when I feel like there isn't a lot to do I feel like I want to do some retail therapy or treat myself to a Costa here and there or bake to my heart's content; just to be able to do something without having to worry about not having anything. There is more to life than money but it is nice to feel secure with it.
Me and my fiance had our first proper argument a couple of nights ago and I felt really betrayed by him, the root of it was pretty innocent but to me, honesty is a HUGE thing and I feel like I can't trust my relationship if I don't know everything about that person rather than being told by other people, I mean things that were there before I even knew him are different but while we're together I feel like I should know, right? I think maybe I took it too far being so angry with him but he's my best friend and he's the only person I really have around right now and I want to be told everything, like I have always told him.
Other than these few small scratches, I am really happy. I'm happy to be living with him. I appreciate this time we get to spend together more than anything and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now.
"I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous...inconvenient...time-consuming...can't-live-without-each-other love." and I have found it.
