Speaking out.

Many things have led me to speak out about mental health and depression. Alike many things I've blogged about I am by no means an expert but I talk about the things I have personally learnt from my own experiences with myself and with others and from what I have read and watched. I think it is very important that I talk about this. I think it is one of those subjects that are brushed under the carpet...a topic of conversation nobody dares bring up. I had a friend in college who suffered terribly and any time I tried to speak to him, I would be nudged subtly by someone else at the table as if it was a forbidden subject. Why should it be that way? People suffer from all sorts of things. It's a known fact. So why is it we can only talk about someone suffering physically? Why can't we talk when someone is suffering mentally? When their mind is eating them alive? Surely that is a much more terrible kind of suffering? Mental pain that they are unable to escape. 

It's all well and good saying to someone 'Think positively' 'You need to stop being so moody' and my personal favourite 'Smile! It might never happen'. It is such an insult to see that this is the way people view mental illnesses. Yes, we would all love to be positive and live wonderful, happy lives but life happens and there are deaths, there are illnesses, there are family troubles, there are fights and arguments, there are jobs and bills, there are unwanted pregnancies, there are failed relationships and failed friendships, there are the media telling us all about people with more money, better clothes, better lifestyles, better bodies, shoving it right in our faces to make us feel terrible about ourselves. That to me is never okay. There is so many things wrong with the world..how can you possibly question someone allowing it to get on top of them?

I find it so sad that a major actor/comedian such as Robin Williams has to commit suicide for the world to see what a horrible issue it is to suffer from any mental health disorder including depression.

I have seen depression destroy the lives of many people. They don't want to leave the house. They don't want to talk or move from their bedrooms.  They want the curtains closed and the covers over their heads and it is not a life I want any of my friends or family to lead. 

Here is something many people didn't know....I suffered for a long time. I used to have depression, it may not have been the worst kind, I may not have had to take anything but I was depressed. I have dealt with a lot of things with my family but not only that.. I hated my body. I hated my body for a long time. I used to make myself sick and starve myself for days on end. At one point I was terrified to drink water because I didn't want the scales to show I'd gained an extra pound.. I made myself very very ill and I didn't tell a soul for a long time. I was terrified for someone to think I was crazy, because I felt like I was losing my mind. I had no self-control, I was so upset with my life that I just wanted to continuously hurt myself so that I knew nobody else could ever hurt me as much as I was hurting myself. That was unhealthy. I was obsessed. I used to weigh myself every single morning, sometimes throughout the day aswell. I was hooked on doing everything in my power to lose more weight. 

Not only that, I used to cut myself. I used to cut my arms and the tops of my thighs with razors. I never felt the pain either. I used to watch the blood wash over my skin and think how fucked up I must be for it to not even hurt because I was so mentally upset the physical pain became nothing. I remember when my mum saw the marks- the disappointment on her face was awful. She never knew how to handle it, she would cry and think she was a failed mother and she would shout at me because she would be desperate for my sisters not to see it and think that this was okay for them to do aswell. This doesn't make my mum a bad person in any way. Most people have no idea how to deal with it but I think it is wrong for people to say someone is bad for suffering with depression or that they could easily 'cheer up', nothing is easy about it. 

There were many times when my friend had horrendous days and I would insist on staying over at hers to make sure she got out of bed in the morning. People suffering like this may ask to be left alone but that's not what they need. Just like everyone we all need to be shown love and affection, we all need to be offered support, given a chance to talk and laugh and smile and breathe outside our own space. If you know anyone that is suffering you must let them know that you are there. That you care. You must try to cheer them up, not tell them to cheer themselves up. As the saying goes... "A problem shared is a problem halved and happiness shared is joy doubled."

 If you want to live in a positive world, if you want your friends to be happy or your family to be happy you have to be the one to give out these positive vibes, don't question anyone for how they are, accept them and support them.

If you are someone suffering then speak out. Don't be afraid to, it's not embarrassing, it's honest and genuine, it's who you are, it's life. We all have our own struggles. We all go through many emotions in life and we all have the power to help change everyone's outlook on life. If you want the world to be a better place you have to contribute towards it. If you show support and love to someone you know suffering you may have just saved a life. Who wouldn't want to do that? 

If you are suffering, it doesn't make you a failure of a parent, it doesn't make you a failure of a friend, it doesn't make you a failure of a partner or a failure of anything. It makes you a person. A person with feelings and ideas. It makes you a person that has gone through pain, that has suffered. A person that has lived a life and gone through many experiences that has brought them to this point. It is also a person that can be helped. A person that can be treated like a person. Not like there is something abnormal about them.. A person that can overcome these terrible mind-eating diseases if people shine the right light over it. If it isn't looked down upon. If it isn't laughed at or sighed about or brushed under the carpet. We are all different which is what makes the world a beautiful place, who are you to tell someone they are wrong for how they are? We don't choose who we are but we can choose who we become and if you want to make someone stronger and happier you have to make it your personal mission to help them change their outlook rather than judge them for not thinking your way, encourage them to.

We should be building people up, not knocking them down.